Well today is a pretty good day, especially considering that I was pretty sick for the whole second half of last week so thankfully I have a good day today so I don't fall into despair. I'm trying to not feel sorry for myself because I know the Lord wouldn't appreciate that but sometimes its hard when I talk to women who tell me that they felt great after those first three months of their pregnancy and here I am 6 months and still get sick often. Being nauseated and having extra hormones also makes me really irritable these days which normally only my husband has to deal with and I can keep it under control around other people. However this Sunday was an exception, for some reason I am like a magnet to all the fidgety kids at our church no matter where I sit (trust me I have tried all over) I always seem to be stuck next to kids that kick me the entire time. Usually I stay controlled and put up with it for those two hours, however this past Sunday I had a meltdown. It was REALLY hot in church this time, and I was nauseated and got pushed out of my pew (we don't have regular pews and I make sure to get there early so I have one and don't have to stand for two hours because its not good for a pregnant woman to stand that long) by kids who spent the entire time kicking me, I had a meltdown and started crying and had to leave after communion. I felt awful afterwards. Instead of praying for patience and focusing on the service all I could think of was why couldn't parents keep their kids under control or atleast keep them next to them and let themselves be kicked by their own kids! anyway I've moved past it and asked for forgiveness and going to try my best to have more grace with the children next time. I don't want everyone at church to think I am a cranky woman.
Well enough of my whining in other news this weekend Aug 1st starts The Dormition of The Theotokos: The Church has a two week fast for the falling asleep of Mary mother of Jesus(Theotokos). We fast from all meat, dairy, fish, wine, and oil. Me being pregnant I am not allowed to fast, which in someways is nice to still be able to eat meat and cheese (ill admit it) but in otherwise I feel left out. Fasts in the Orthodox Church are done together as a whole church effort and I feel like I am missing out on something not being able to do it. There are several fasts but the first fast we got to be apart of was Great Lent and I found out I was pregnant right before it started so I have not really got to participate in the big church events since joining the church and I feel like even though I am now a member I am totally missing out on something. Maybe I could find something I can fast from that's not food related since I'm not able to do that part of it. I don't know much about the Dormition of the Theotokos fast yet and will wright more as I know, from the look of the icon it looks solomn the Mother of our Lord dying, however she is in heaven with her son what could be better?
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